Released for surgery!

SO after my third visit this month with the psychiatrist, he has released me for surgery. YIPPIE!!  I realize now that it is a good thing that I did not have my surgery earlier. I think if I would have went ahead and had t that I would have ended up having alot of issues.  I feel more prepared emotionally as much as I can at this point. I know that there are going to be hurdles and obstacles that are going to come up after I have surgery and I have decided to continue with therapy after surgery to help me to deal with these on both the physical and emotional side.  I want this surgery to be a success.  I want to be healthy again. Not only for myself but also for my kids and family.  I will tell you that this has been a very emotional process.  I am glad that I am having this procedure done. My surgery date is on the 4th of February.  I start my liquid diet on Monday to prepare for the procedure.  I am a little nervous because my husband will not be here.  He will be out on the ship.  I know he is going to be worried and that is why I am nervous.  My Aunt is going to try to come up to help me out during and after my surgery until my hubby gets home.  I am very excited to start this new chapter in my life. I will finally be able to run and play with my son. I will be able to go to the amusement park with my kids and fit in the seats for the front of the coasters where my daughter likes to ride.  It was so humiliating to be told I had to move to the seat for "bigger" people and then for them to struggle to even get that one closed and buckled.  This is all about to be behind me.  I will start my video blog back up on Monday.  So I ask for your support and words of kindness to help me through this. This will not be an easy journey but I will over come it!

"You have nothing to prove to me or anyone..."

Hmmm....here is my confusion then...well let me start at the beginning.  SO I had my appointment with the psychiatrist this morning.  I was in a great and happy mood hoping that this would be the session where he says that I can go ahead with surgery. Insert MASSIVE brick wall here.  So last session the reasoning behind everything was because of the way I cope with stress in my life. So I have been making improvements and I am also back on my prozac which helps me out alot.  Well now my ADHD is being blamed. UGH!! Really?  So doc thinks it is great I am starting school but he thinks that now might be a bad time that it will add stress and that I wont be able to handle everything. But that it is good for me to go so that I am out of the house and having more adult time.  He thinks my ADHD will cause me issues with focusing in school and that all of my progress, improvements, are just a result of my ADHD kicking in and that they are only temporary.  So after hearing this I looked at doc and asked him how do I prove to you and the surgeon I am fit to have surgery? I mean holy cow I have done everything I can despite starving myself to death and I think despite what has been thrown at me I have done pretty well. DO I have a weight problem...well duh!! Is this surgery suppose to help me with it, yes.  So who knows when I will be able to have my surgery. He wants to see me back on the 24th so hopefully then I can "prove" that I am ready for this procedure. Oh wait according to him I have nothing to prove to him or anyone...but if that is the case then why not release me for surgery?  I can answer that, because I have to prove to him I am ready.

The battle continues

SO today was the first day back on regular foods after a 4 day liquid diet to prepare for my surgery that was suppose to happen on Monday the 14th.  I am trying to watch the things that I am eating to make sure I don't gain any more weight.  I have to meet with the psychiatrist tomorrow and I am hoping he will release me for surgery.  I have discovered other effective ways to deal with my stress besides eating. I have been using deep breathing & relaxation methods. I have also been reading and starting painting.  I got a gym membership and I am going to start working with some light weights to help keep me toned and to build muscle so that when I do have surgery I will lose faster and I will not be so flabby.  I have also decided that I cannot hold on to things that are out of my control.  I have to learn to let them go.  I have been thinking about alot of the things that stress me out and there is nothing I can do about them. They are beyond my control. I have to sit back and let whatever is going to happen with everything just happen.  The things that I can control I have to learn of a more effective way to deal with them.  I have also decided to look into some self help books to see if I can come up with some more ways to continue on this path.  Hopefully I will be released and able to have my surgery in the near future. Only time will tell :)

The uphill battle

Hello! This blog is about my trials and tribulations through my weight loss journey and how I the things I have had to go through on my way to having gastric bypass surgery.  I will start off by giving a little history on myself. My name is Selena. I will be 32 in February. I grew up in Florida running barefoot and wearing bikinis.  Growing up I was not super model skinny but I also was not over weight.  I played softball and enjoyed bike riding, skating, walking, and dancing.  I got pregnant with my first child when I was 18.  During that pregnancy I went from 135 lbs to 200 lbs.  I was able to lose most of the weight fairly quick by working out and watching what I ate.  Over a period of time I started gaining massive amounts of weight and ended up on alot of medications for high blood pressure, PCOS, and depression.  In the beginning of 2006 I weighed 250 and wore a size 22.  Now keep in mind I am only 5'3".  I went through my divorce later that year and through depression and not being happy I managed to lose a good amount of weight. I was able to wear a size 13.  In 2007 I met my now husband. I kept the weight off until I got pregnant with our son in late 2009.  After having our son I have not been able to lose the weight no matter what I have tried. I spent thousands on a personal trainer and still nothing. I finally gave in because I have now developed sleep apnea and type 2 diabetes on top of the high blood pressure and other issues.  I have decided to have weight loss surgery. I started the journey in late August of 2012.  I had to do a 3 month diet trial where in the last two months I gained 18 lbs.  This was due to stress and of course it was that time of year where all the holiday goodies are out. Well i have discovered I am a stress eater. I am admitting it. I eat when I am stressed. Due to this my surgery has been cancelled and put off until my psychiatrist thinks I am in the state of mind to control my eating.  So I am hoping that this blog will help me to control this issue. I have a gym membership now and I am also starting school on the 28th of this month. I know that this will keep me more active and less likely to "graze." I tend to eat out of boredom also which is very unhealthy. So hopefully in the near future I will be able to have my surgery and be successful with it.  I will conquer this issue and I will not let it stop me from acheiving a healthier weight and lifestyle.